"Apparently they go down real easy"

My wife says that every time Artie Bucco enters a scene in "The Sopranos" she cringes. It's an understandable reaction. Bad luck clings to Artie like static, and much of it is of his own making. Between his dumb jokes, the awkward passes he's made at a succession of attractive hostesses, and the liberties he takes in referring to Tony's business (like someone who thinks they can drop the n-word around their black friends) you hold your breath every time he speaks, fearing--knowing--he'll say something incredibly stupid.

Artie loves rubbing elbows with gangsters, but his friendship with Tony clearly costs him more than it yields. In the series' very first episode, Tony torches Artie's restaurant so that Uncle Junior can't whack someone there (Pussy Melanga, a name with which we recently were reacquainted) and ruin the establishment's reputation. Talk about destroying the village to save it. Then, in season four, Artie, against his better judgment, accepts a loan from Tony to invest in what turns out to be a scam. When he realizes he can't pay Tony back, he attempts suicide. And Artie's loyalty to Tony and his lieutenants has caused him no end of grief with his domineering wife, Charmaine.

It is thus understandable that Artie avoided seeking Tony's help when he crossed paths with Benny. The irony is that this was the one time that Tony actually could have done some good. Then again, Tony has an uncanny ability to turn every situation to his own advantage, so who knows how things might have turned out had he gotten more directly involved? In "The Sopranos", as in life, things can always get worse.